I myself never say those well-known customary words when another utters an explosive, high-pitched snort. I don’t know why I don’t. Maybe it’s because I am not comfortable with the religious connotations the words “bless you” hold. But, if this were true, I could easily substitute the phrase for the German word “Gesundheit,” which wishes the sneezer “good health.” More likely, it’s because I am a firm believer in saying what I mean at all times. I don’t mean “bless you,” I don’t wish a figment’s blessing upon you just because you were able to spout mucus out of your nostrils. I don’t mean “excuse you,” you just interrupted my paper-writing because you couldn’t control a damn sneeze. I really don’t wish you “good health,” I could care less if you catch cold just as long as you don’t spread it to me.
But, I always have had the words said to me. A good portion of the time, if I sneezed in public, there was someone there to pardon me from my infraction—whether it be a pastor, a classmate, or my grandma using the German version in her heavy accent.
Today was the first time that I have sneezed in public on campus and no one has said, “Bless you!” I had just sat down in the computer lab, opened my browser, and without delay a sharp, quick, particularly tickle-y and particularly loud sneeze issued from my nasal passages. There were several other students in the lab, but none said a word, let alone looked up from their mountainous math equations. It was a lonely feeling, not having anyone to at least pretend to wish you well.
That is why, from here on out, I propose that I adopt new action to extend to other sniffle-ridden students. During cold and flu season, I will carry personal-sized tissues and hand sanitizer with me at all times. In the event that someone around me sneezes, I can simply hand them the goods and say, “Here, clean yourself off and then go buy some chicken noodle soup and OJ so your germs are out of my proximity.”
